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I am taking a break from processing things to do a values-clarifying exercise, in the hopes that it will inform my ability to process the recent friend break-up.
My 33 (!) different value identifications basically sort into three groups. I want to be helpful, I want to do so correctly, and I want to be good at it. So my two core values are Altruism and Competence.
One of the times I did not live either of those values that sticks with me is that: once my boss, at the time a very middle-class middle-aged white woman, was talking to a Black woman and said “Pink lives matter, huh?” in a tone of voice like she expected the woman to agree with her, and since I was walking by, I had no context for their conversation, so I did not say “Oh, are the police extrajudicially murdering cancer patients in the streets now?” But I desperately wish I had said so. I let the factors of social awkwardness, being busy and in a hurry, and her being my boss stop me from letting her know it was not okay, and I still feel bad for that. That Black lady looked fine, but that was a micro-aggression if ever there was one and I let it slide and I should not have. It damaged my self-respect, and probably the respect that lady had for everyone in that situation.
One of the times I lived my values that sticks with me is that: I have helped any number of friends move, and I am good at Tetris-packing efficiently, so they appreciate the help of me, and whoever I can persuade to come with.
One of the ways I am going to use these values going forward is: I’m going to print out a list of the grouped values and the two big values and re-evaluate the recent argument in light of identifying where I could have lived my values better.
My 33 (!) different value identifications basically sort into three groups. I want to be helpful, I want to do so correctly, and I want to be good at it. So my two core values are Altruism and Competence.
One of the times I did not live either of those values that sticks with me is that: once my boss, at the time a very middle-class middle-aged white woman, was talking to a Black woman and said “Pink lives matter, huh?” in a tone of voice like she expected the woman to agree with her, and since I was walking by, I had no context for their conversation, so I did not say “Oh, are the police extrajudicially murdering cancer patients in the streets now?” But I desperately wish I had said so. I let the factors of social awkwardness, being busy and in a hurry, and her being my boss stop me from letting her know it was not okay, and I still feel bad for that. That Black lady looked fine, but that was a micro-aggression if ever there was one and I let it slide and I should not have. It damaged my self-respect, and probably the respect that lady had for everyone in that situation.
One of the times I lived my values that sticks with me is that: I have helped any number of friends move, and I am good at Tetris-packing efficiently, so they appreciate the help of me, and whoever I can persuade to come with.
One of the ways I am going to use these values going forward is: I’m going to print out a list of the grouped values and the two big values and re-evaluate the recent argument in light of identifying where I could have lived my values better.