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flamingswordI am redrawing my Circles of Trust therapy exercise, because one of those “question of the day” Discord server bots reminded me to do that yesterday, but my brain was busy and too full of other stuff. It’s been a couple years, and my birthyday is coming up, so it’s about that time.
So I am hurt by C’s decision to dump me when it was most convenient for them and most damaging for me, in part because I hurt them by accident and it really looks like they hurt me on purpose, out of pettiness. I knew they could be petty, I’ve seen them do it to people before, but it was always to people who they framed the conversation as doing stuff that hurt them out of self-interest or for selfish reasons.
Does C think that my not betraying Bat’s trust was born of selfishness? Do they think that I agreed with Bat’s decision to fuck some dickwad who might have decided that he could abuse them, too? Or is this just C projecting their anger and guilt about Bat onto me bc their trauma means that they can’t deal with big feelings without shutting down? Which, y’know? Fair; I know what that’s like.
I guess I voted for the Leopards Eating Faces Party by being friends with someone I knew could be petty, and I was really just gambling on C having clear vision about other people’s motives, which was, in hindsight, dumb of me. I tend to believe other people when they confidently assert knowing what other people are like, but I really need to stop doing that before I get my face eaten by another leopard.
The neighbors are playing really boring techno way too loud again, and I have a sinus headache which is boo and also hiss. 🙄 Please substitute better taste for louder volume, neighbor. Or at least invest in a good headset? Something.
So I am hurt by C’s decision to dump me when it was most convenient for them and most damaging for me, in part because I hurt them by accident and it really looks like they hurt me on purpose, out of pettiness. I knew they could be petty, I’ve seen them do it to people before, but it was always to people who they framed the conversation as doing stuff that hurt them out of self-interest or for selfish reasons.
Does C think that my not betraying Bat’s trust was born of selfishness? Do they think that I agreed with Bat’s decision to fuck some dickwad who might have decided that he could abuse them, too? Or is this just C projecting their anger and guilt about Bat onto me bc their trauma means that they can’t deal with big feelings without shutting down? Which, y’know? Fair; I know what that’s like.
I guess I voted for the Leopards Eating Faces Party by being friends with someone I knew could be petty, and I was really just gambling on C having clear vision about other people’s motives, which was, in hindsight, dumb of me. I tend to believe other people when they confidently assert knowing what other people are like, but I really need to stop doing that before I get my face eaten by another leopard.
The neighbors are playing really boring techno way too loud again, and I have a sinus headache which is boo and also hiss. 🙄 Please substitute better taste for louder volume, neighbor. Or at least invest in a good headset? Something.