*muffled cursing from the next room*

Some friends of ours are having relationship troubles. I'm not trying to grab the blame for that, I swear, but I do think that some part of it could have been avoided if I were still regularly hosting social events and expending spoons paying close attention to people and asking about their lives. Most of the people who stopped attending Thursday Movie Night did not replace it with a social interaction of equal value, and so my networks are less well meshed and less taken care of without someone putting deliberate effort into making sure that everyone is doing well. It was easier to herd the nerds and make sure that everyone was doing okay when I was seeing several people on a weekly basis. My skills at observation and conversation are also getting noticeably rustier. I need to start making more phone calls instead of text message dates with people where I never actually keep them, get those skills back in proper working order.

There are a lot of my people (nerds) who claim to hate small talk, and as a former member of that camp I think it's time for me to explain to the internet the value of small talk. "How are you? What have you been up to?" These are not meaningless cultural signifiers or opportunities to brag. They're ways to let your social network know if something is going on that they should know about. Are you having trouble with your health or in one of your relationships? Are you looking at changing jobs soon and want to ask your network for help with that? Does your spouse have a drinking problem? Are you being stalked? Your friends want to help you, and they need to know this stuff to do that.

I miss being closer to people sometimes, but I also value the fact that I would never have gotten my first fanfiction written (INSERT SHAMELESS PLUG HERE) if I were still trying to host Thursday Movie Night. And then there's the part where I just don't have the energy most of the time, and that is probably not going to get better if it has not already. C'est la vie.